I’ve started this post so many times that I lost count. I’ve turned the television on and off. I’ve repeatedly checked my watch, as if I was responsible for some incredibly important moment. I’ve done everything. Almost.
I have not written this post.
When I hear about stories of loved ones losing loved ones, I’m shook. But because life is frantic and carries on, I carry on with it. I try.
There are other scenarios that hit closer to home. Moments when the word shattered aptly describes the state of chaos and emotion and loss that fills a room. A huge void and space. Left unfilled. To someone, everyone and all the people they know.
I’ve long been considered an emotional man. I weep when I’m touched. Sometimes it’s as insignificant as a man playing with this children, an elderly couple still in love and losing time with one another or a reunion of souls.
When pain strikes close to home though, I don’t weep. Sometimes I lose the ability to reason and think and let go. And those times I just blank out. I stare and pretend that if I don’t give it my attention it might just go away.
That’s one approach.
Other times, like with my grandmother, I sobbed. I was young, at my first year of university, and upon learning of her passing I sobbed so uncontrollably that I had to be lead from the funeral home during visitation hours. I stayed awake for days remembering. I wrote and wrote and sobbed. And those days have a soft spot in my heart, just like she did.
When I was in Washington for a food blogging conference a few months ago I met some great people. The community is great and caring and helpful. I listened intently during the panels when people with more knowledge and understanding than I, spoke. One of those people controlled the room when it was her turn. And this past week, she lost her husband unexpectedly.
When the news broke I felt numb. So many things went through my mind. Jennifer lost her husband and two children lost their father. That shook me. I immediately thought of my wife. I wanted to hold her forever. And then I thought of myself. I’m roughly the same age. It scared me. I’m not going to lie. I was afraid.
After my mind rushed away on me, I took a moment and thought. I thought of that family of three, now forever changed and forever different. Forever guided by the memory of a man who loved his family. Forever. And that day will stay with them until forever disappears. Gone.
My wife and I are blessed for many reasons. Most significantly because we have each other, over everything else. I don’t see my friends as much anymore now that they have moved and started families plus we’re both single children. So I get to spend a lot of time with my wife, and for that I’m blessed. Lucky.
A couple of days ago when I mentioned this tragic turn of events, I rolled over and held my wife. I never wanted to let go. Not now. Not ever. I know I don’t have that power, but I’ll do anything within mine to make sure we enjoy all those moments of tomorrow, today.
We spent that day enjoying each other’s company. It was hot and bright outside and the neighbourhood was crawling with life. Little children and parents. And I thought about that one family that won’t ever have that moment again.
I went inside and made us a sandwich and a drink. This sandwich and drink. My twist on a classic turkey sandwich and a raspberry crush soda cocktail. Simple food shared between two simple people in love.
We sat outside and we enjoyed our blessings. The day in front of us, the pale yellow sky overhead, and each other. Always each other. My wife closed her eyes to listen to the soft breeze blowing, while I kept mine directly attached to her.
I know within a few days we’ll all be caught back up with the hectic pace of life and we’ll momentarily forget about the true important moments and people in front of us. That’s what we do. We live and move forward. But no matter what, we’ll never forget. Never.
From my kitchen to yours, happy eating!
P.S. I’ll be making my pie later and sharing it with my wife
Raspberry Crush Tonic
- 2 cups fresh raspberries
- 2 tbsp. 1:1 simple syrup
- 4 large sprigs of basil, plus extra for garnish
- 1/2 cup gin
- 1 tbsp. bitters
- 1 tbsp.lemon juice
- tonic water
- Reserve 8 raspberries.
- Using a shaker, add the remaining berries, simple syrup and basil and muddle until the berries are mashed. Stir in the gin, bitters and lemon juice. Pour through a sieve and back into the shaker with filled with ice.
- Serve cocktail over ice into four glasses and top with tonic water and two raspberries plus fresh basil.